Hello Loves
Recently, I have been pondering the frequency of words and their vibrational frequency and it got me curious if anyone else ever notices the frequency or feeling of certain words they use. Like how some land in your body like a warm breath and others hit like a weight on your chest?
Most recently, for me, should vs could has been a topic of study and conversation between myself and a couple friends. Notice what happens in your body when you say them.
“Should,” in my body contracts. It tightens my jaw, pulls the shoulders in, and carries the frequency of guilt, shame and expectation.
“Could” expands and feels expansive. It opens the chest, invites curiosity, and carries the frequency of choice and possibility.
Two tiny words. One subtle shift. But they live in completely different realities for me.
“Should” Is About Control (Not Care)
Let’s be honest; “should” doesn't come from love. When we use it on ourselves, it’s often an internalized form of control, a voice we picked up somewhere: a parent, a teacher, a religion, a culture that told us how “good” women behave.
“Should” tells us we are behind, not good enough or we are wrong. A couple examples i hear often are:
• I should be married by now.
• I should have more money saved.
• I should have known better.
• I should be happier, thinner, calmer, further along.
But it’s not just self-directed that harms us; “should” is also how people project their own discomfort onto others. When someone says, “You should just leave,” or “You should post more,” or “You should move on by now,” what they often mean is:
"If I were you, I’d do it differently."
“Should” becomes a mirror. It is a projection of what someone else would do in your situation, through their nervous system, their story, their map of the world or their fear. And if you’re still learning to trust yourself, those “shoulds” can cut deep. They can make you question your pace, your healing, and your worth. They can make you feel like you’re doing it wrong, when really, you’re just doing it your way.
“Should” Creates Shame
“Should” and shame are best friends.
Every time we “should” ourselves, what we’re really saying is:
"I’m not enough unless I meet this invisible expectation."
And when someone else “shoulds” us, it can trigger that same shame spiral; especially if we’re still developing strong energetic boundaries. Because when you’re unsure of yourself, “should” feels like proof you’re failing. It sneaks in through well-meaning advice and turns into quiet self-doubt. It keeps you seeking external validation instead of internal truth causing you to continue to outsource your power and cut out your intuition.
That’s the real cost of “should.” It doesn’t just control behavior; it fractures self-trust
“Could” Invites Curiosity
Now, “could” is a completely different frequency. “Could” is possibility.
“Could” doesn’t demand; it invites.
It doesn’t assume you’re wrong, but rather it asks what feels right.
It doesn’t pull you into shame; it opens you into curiosity.
“Could” says:
• I could rest.
• I could wait.
• I could say no.
• I could change everything.
The energy shifts from performance to presence and from proving to exploring. And the body feels that shift.
How This Shift Changes the Nervous System
Through my own healing and working with hundreds of women, I’ve seen it again and again:
When we live in “should,” the nervous system stays in fight, flight, or fawn. Your body reads constant expectation as danger and it creates tension in your jaw, a tightness in your chest, a feeling that rest is unsafe because something might fall apart if you stop.
When we live in “could,” the body exhales, your breath deepens and the pressure lifts. Choice replaces control.
It’s not just a mental shift for you, it’s also a physiological one. “Could” gives your nervous system permission to come home to safety
A Simple Practice
The next time you catch yourself saying, “I should,” pause.
Take a breath.
Then ask: “Whose voice is this?”
Is it yours? Or is it someone else’s expectation echoing through your body?
Now swap the word.
• “I should go.” → “I could go.”
• “I should text them back.” → “I could reach out when I have capacity.”
Notice how your body responds to these shifts. Does it soften or tense? That sensation is your truth.
Living from “Could”
I used to live from “should.” It made me productive, but it also made me exhausted, anxious, and disconnected. I lived in constant worry, shame and feelings of not living up to expectations.
When I shifted to “could,” I didn’t just change my language, I changed my relationship with myself.
I stopped asking, “What’s expected of me?” and started asking, “What feels safe and true for me right now?”
That question, that one word, became my doorway back to sovereignty.
The Invitation
“Should” belongs to survival whereas “could” belongs to self-trust.
You don’t owe anyone constant access to your energy or agreement with their projections. You don’t have to prove you’re doing life the “right” way. You just get to live aligned with what feels right for you; body, mind, and soul.
So the next time you feel that “should” rise up, smile and whisper to yourself,
“I could… but do I want to?”
And that’s where your freedom begins.
What “should” are you ready to let go of? Share it in the comments; name it, release it, and step into your “could.”
Loving you,
Brittany.
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